we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
