we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
