Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
