My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize