I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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