the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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