There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
