i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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