We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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