Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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