She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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