I am puke
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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