You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
