please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
