An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
