I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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