Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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