He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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