I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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