i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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