He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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