Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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