White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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