You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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