Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
