So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
