My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
