If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
3pm strippers are depressing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
