Will you blow on my dice?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
