I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
