Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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