sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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