its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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