I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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