Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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