I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
