my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
