Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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