Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize