Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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