If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
