Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
