There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just want nice things and good sex
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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