I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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