I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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