ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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