Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
