I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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