People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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