And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
