...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
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Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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