i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
