i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
