we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
