just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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