I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
