did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
