the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
