Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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