Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
