we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
