Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
