Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
