Don't make out with my wife yet
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
