eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When are your genitals available?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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