I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
