I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
