ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
