Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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