I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
