ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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