Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I am spending my child support on dildos
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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