I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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