Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
