Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
