Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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