never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
