So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
