he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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