Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
